I've done a lot of thinking lately about groups and cliques and such. It seems to me that in every group, there is one person who is "the resident bitch". You know who I mean- the one that every loves to roll their eyes at, the one that speaks their mind a little too much, the one that doesn't always play well with others... Well, it dawned on me recently that I am the resident bitch.
I freely admit I don't play with others. Maybe it was because I was an only child and didn't have to. I don't like to put up with other people's drama and antics. I have enough going on in my own life- I don't need that. I speak my mind- call it snarky, sarcastic, bitchy, whatever. I say what I think even when there are times I shouldn't. I don't kiss ass well... never have and probably never will.
So yes, I am the resident bitch. I guess I should embrace it.
But people forget something. Everyone has feelings. Even people like me. And those feelings can get hurt. I try not to let it show- it's just not how I am. But it happens. All the mean things that are whispered behind my back... Yea, I know about them. The little snide comments that are made- my name my not be specifically mentioned, but I know they are about me. When I am ignored and left behind, I notice.
But am I going to say anything to you? No... Because that would just further cement the fact that I am that bitch. And I guess in some ways, not saying anything also makes a bitch. People think it's because I don't care or I'm snotty or whatever. I admit, sometimes that true. But sometimes, it's because it hurts. Will I ever let you know this? No, probably not... but that doesn't make it hurt less.